2. Schedule the flight for nap time, and (incorrectly) assume the kids will nap on the plane.
3. Leave the house hungry and plan to eat lunch at the airport.
4. Leave the house 2 hours before the flight....the way you'd do it if you were traveling ALONE.
5. Make sure the baby spits up on her shirt on the way to the airport, so you have a faint smell of vomit for the entire trip.
7. Overdress the children and yourselves as if you're flying to Antarctica in the dead of winter.
8. Wait for the bus that takes you from the parking lot to the terminal in the blazing sun.
9. Be the last ones to board the bus, and have them tell you it's too full and you cannot get on. Wait another 15 minutes in the blazing sun for the next bus. Start to wonder if you have given yourselves enough time.
10. Have someone steal your credit card number a week before the trip and use it for a vacation in Italy. Cancel your credit card. Then try and check in for a flight without having the original credit card that you used to purchase the tickets. Prepare to be ushered to the special "these people are suspect" line and have a 15 minute conversation about how you do not have the original credit card because it was stolen. Be prepared to break this down in VERY.SIMPLE.TERMS and repeat it to 5 different people.
11. Make sure your 3 year old is running wild around the airport. Threaten him with spankings and watch how other people scowl at you.
12. Make sure you are now running VERY late and feel the panic start to set it. (Note the perspiration building underneath your winter gear.)
13. Grossly underestimate what a pain in the you know what it is to go through security with 2 children. (yes, even baby shoes come off) Strollers also need to be collapsed...make sure your baby does not want to be held and is twisting and screaming to get down.
14. In your panic, take the stroller up the escalator. Have the front wheel get caught at the top and watch your baby flip over and almost get sucked into the floor.
15. Endure the wrath of your husband for being so negligent.
16. Get on another bus to the terminal. Have your 3 year old almost run off the bus as the doors are closing.
17. Finally get to the gate and be the last ones to board.
18. Have your husband set a land speed record sprinting to the store and buy some drinks for the flight for your very dehydrated (and hungry) family.
19. Try to ignore the smell of urine, as your children have not had a clean diaper since 8am.
20. Divide up the goldfish in your carry on bag and savor them as if it's filet mignon.
21. Order a beer. It'll be the best $7 ever spent.
No comments:
Post a Comment