Bed time routines

Bed time routines are elaborate in this house.  Lee always says "Why do you do this to yourself?" because inevitably, I spend an hour laying with the kids, rubbing backs, reading books, and snuggling.  We are both usually exhausted at this point and want to relax, so it's a constant struggle to remember what's important.  I don't want to look back and wish I had spent more time with them...I already know I will do that.  I want to remember that I did give them that extra time at night...even if it's just a little bit every day.  

I feel like I could never possibly forget all of these bed time rituals, but after reading the blog books with the kids, I've realized that I don't remember so much of what has happened.  It makes me really sad to know these memories could be forgotten.  So why will I remember this?  I want to remember all of these precious times, and I'm going to make an effort to record the little things.  It's the little things that really end up being the big things- you just don't realize it at the time.  

With Colby, he really doesn't want to snuggle or hold my hand during the day, so this is really the only special time one-on-one time I get with him.  Because he's trying to delay bed time, he will suddenly be open to talking about anything- school, swimming, friends, etc.  Our routine for him starts with a tray of food brought up to his room by Lee...usually a grapefruit, bread and dipping oil, a dessert, and a fruit.  This began when he was taking medication that reduced his appetite, so he truly needed the extra calories at night.  Now, it's kind of just a habit because his current medication doesn't do that as much.  After he eats, he gets read to by either me and Lee, and then part II of the routine begins.  He gets an elaborate back rub (by me) that has a very particular order:  back tickle, back massage, flip, stomach tickle, flip, feet and calf tickle.  Then I lay with him for what's supposed to be 5 minutes.  It always ends up more like 15, and I always say "one more minute" and make him repeat this back to me- otherwise he will claim he didn't hear me.  Except it's never one more minute- we usually do this two or three times.  
He does go right to sleep pretty quickly after all of this.  If we start a stimulant medication soon, which we might do, things are going to get a little trickier because he will be hungrier and less tired.  He still goes to sleep with his two duckies and his water bottle by his side.  There's nothing I love more than seeing the sweet cuddly side of Colby, and I love knowing he still needs and wants his mamma.  

Miller's routine is just as elaborate, but different.  A year ago, she was very into doing "soldier hugs"- which means I had to lay stiff as a board in the CENTER of her bed, and she would lay stiff as a board on top of me.  We would stay this way for a minute for our soldier hug.  

Things have evolved now.  Let me back up first and explain something that happened on Spring Break in Atlantis.  Lee and Colby were down at the beach, and Miller and I were up in the hotel room.  She was watching Dora, and I told her I was going down to the lobby to get a cup of coffee.  Unbeknownst to me, she didn't hear me.  When I got to the lobby, there was a very long line- about 30 minutes.  It made me a little nervous, but I knew Miller knew where I was.  Only she didn't.  When I got up to the room, she was huddled in a chair, extremely upset, with tears streaming down her face.  She thought she had been left.  She looked out the window looking for Colby and dad, or me, and didn't see any of us.   She told me she had decided that she was going to hide in the closet when the maids came.  Smart girl- always planning ahead. I held her and assured her we would never ever leave her or forget her. 

Something similar happened on the first day of school. (Colby's school starts before hers)   I told her I was walking Colby to the far away bus stop, but she didn't understand that it was the one way up the hill- there's one by the playground and she thought that was what I meant.  She looked outside after a few minutes, and I wasn't there.  She began to panic and walked to our friend Jeanie's house and knocked on the door, but no one was home.  I was actually at the other bus stop talking to Jeanie.  When I finally came back about 15 minutes later, she was huddled on the couch crying and once again, thought she had been left.  Mommy fail- again.  :(

Miller is sometimes afraid of being left now because of those incidents.  In addition to that, I told Colby and Miller about how Hanna Graham had been "kidnapped".  I told them this to highlight the fact that they need to stay with me in public, be careful, etc.  Well, sometimes the message can be given in a much more delicate manner...no need to kill a fly with a hammer as they say.  As a result, Miller now has a fear of being kidnapped.  She also heard an Amber alert in a Dairy Queen about a year ago, and that just confirms to her that kids her age get kidnapped. 

Back to bed time.  

First, we do a version of the solider hug, but it's a game that Miller has made up.  The person on the top says something like "When I say 'some sort of silly phrase', you hug me".  Then she will say all sorts of random and silly things, and eventually she will say the special phrase.  That's my cue to give her a very tight squeeze. Really tight- as tight as I can. Then we switch and I'm the one who has to say the phrase.  After this, we snuggle and we have named it "huggies and snuggies".

When it's finally time to leave, she used to go right to sleep.  Until recently.  She started saying every single night "What if they do come?".  And by "they" she means the kidnappers.  She was and is truly terrified.  The anxiety seems to creep in right at bed time and she can't stop thinking about it.  I have tried everything to convince her that she will not be kidnapped, but she says "You cannot predict the future".  Well, that's true- she's not stupid.  The worst part about it is that she said to me "Mom, I know what it feels like to be kidnapped.  I felt that way in the hotel room and when you went to the bus stop, and it's a really bad feeling."  She said that it's feeling really alone and she doesn't want to feel that way again.  We have tried to tell her we live in a safe place, have cameras, have an alarm, but it's not working.  Recently, we told her we have a Marine flag, and that no one would ever try to come into a house where a Marine lives.  That's not working either.   So, I added a new part to our routine- a relaxation exercise.  We start by taking three very deep belly breaths.  Then, I go down her body bit by bit and tell her to relax that part.  It starts with hair follicles (her choice) and ends with toes.  She has also added in there "cheek puffs", "booby bellies" (boobies) and belly boobie. (belly button).  I've also used this exercise to teach her about muscles and body parts- biceps, triceps, hamstrings, calves, shins, achilles tendon.  After all of that, I tell her she is all relaxed and ready for sleep.  I've started giving her LeMutt, and despite his ragged appearance, she loves him as much as I did.  She also still has her two pink bears.  When it's time for me to leave, usually she still whispers "What if they do come", but most of the time, she is able to drift off to sleep pretty quickly.  I treasure this special time with my snuggly girl and hope it never ends.  I feel like it's going so fast....6 is such a precious age, as they all have been.  I want to freeze time.  She tells me I'm her best friend.  I ask her "Do you promise I'll still be your best friend when you are a teenager?" and she says yes.  I really hope she's right.  

Thoughts from the sick house

                                           
It's two days after Thanksgiving and Miller and I are home sick with the flu.  I got sick the day before Thanksgiving and went to the ER on Thanksgiving night.  The next day Miller was hit hard.  Today (Saturday) she woke up with a fever of 105.  Scary stuff.

Yesterday we picked up a blog book from when she was 1 years old and Colby was three.  We read it together and were laughing hysterically at some of the stories.  The sad and frightening thing is that I don't remember most of it.  That means I won't remember what is happening now, and I'm not keeping any sort of journal.

I also realized that it's not the pictures I want to see- I can pull those up on iPhoto.  What I want are the written words, stories, and thoughts.  It also doesn't matter how much time has gone by...I can start now and shouldn't feel like I need to feel like I have to back track to do it.  

Colby is in second grade and Miller is in first.  Things are going well for both of them in school and swimming.  What's really the focus now is Colby and trying to figure out the right medication combination for him.  To say it has been a roller coaster ride would be an understatement.  We have tried so many combinations- stimulants, non stimulants.  They either work and have horrible side effects or don't work well enough.  Right now, he's taking two non stimulants and they have not been working well for a long time.  Our biggest problem, still, is his teasing of Miller and impulse control.  He also does not follow directions at home and even the smallest of tasks are difficult.  He does not take "no" for an answer and will argue with anyone.  Punishments don't work.  Rewards don't work.  Charts don't work.  NOTHING works. 

He does well in school and doesn't seem to get in trouble, but I know that he's not working to his potential.  It seems like it's unfair not to give him that opportunity to excel.  As it is now, he has ideas but does not have the motivation or ability to follow through with them.  This happens at home with everything- sports, toys, etc.  At home he often has one sock on.  Why?  Because he started to take them off, got distracted, and went to do something else and forgot to take the other one off.  He also only wants to play video games or have a friend to play with.  That's it.  

We tried wellbutrin which really worked well for him, especially with the teasing, but he had the side effect of nausea that would come in waves.  It lasted for two months and usually happened during exercise.  We were told by the pediatric GI that he was backed up, so we did a "clean out" and then tried the wellbutrin a few weeks later.  Same result.  

Now I think we need to try a stimulant again.  I remember the horrible days of not eating and trouble sleeping, and I'm dreading dealing with that again.  He also had a very bad rebound effect which usually hit him right after school. By 3:30 every day, we were in a bad place.  But, we couldn't give any more stimulant or he wouldn't eat or sleep.  

Now we might try Strattera (increased) with a lower dose stimulant.  I have a meeting with the psychiatrist in a week to discuss.  People who think parents should not medicate their child do not have a child with ADHD.  Lucky them.  It's not easy and it's extremely stressful. Our days revolve around Colby's emotions.  If he's having a good day, we all have a good day.  If he's having a bad day, we all have a bad day.  We can't even do simple things as a family because the kids will fight.  Something has to change.  

When I was reading about Colby at 3, it made me really happy to see that he was the center of my world.  I have had guilt that maybe I caused this issue between him and Miller, or that maybe I didn't give him enough attention.  After reading the blog, I realized that I did do many special things with him and gave him as much love as I could.  He was physically hurting her at the age of three, and he's gotten much smarter about it as he's gotten older.  It's like a brain glitch that he can't turn off.  That seems to be a separate issue related to impulse control and it's the biggest problem.  The fact that he can't follow through with tasks will catch up to him at some point.  We need to get things under control.

Colby has such a great group of friends- Jonathan, Julian, Dillon, Harrison, Aaron.  He gets along with them and they like him, and other parents say that Colby is well behaved when he is at their house.  Apparently the only place he is not well behaved is at home.  I just want him to be happy, and I want Miller to be happy.  

Colby is swimming well, but his ability to stick to his three days a week isn't going that well because he doesn't stick to what he says he's going to do.  He has so much potential that he's not living up to, and it makes me sad.  

I love this little boy so much and want to bring out the best in him.  I just gotta figure out how to do it. 

Funny and cute things that have happened

Funny quotes and kid stuff
Miller 5 Colby 7

About peepies Christmas
Candle gift miller said "I didn't know an old lady could buy that!"

Me:
Who colored on this table?
Miller: "what if it was someone like me?"

Miller after I put make up on her two days before Christmas:
Do you feel pretty?
Miller "I feel like mommy"

Miller at bedtime: (same day as above)
Me: I love you so much
Miller: "but what if I put a boogie in my bed? I might have done that a few nights ago."
Me: that's ok
Miller: "I'm worried its going to get all over my pajamas. I want to change my sheets"

Upset that Colby didn't comfort her when she fell: I told her maybe he needs to learn from her how to treat someone when they are hurt. He is learning.  She said "it must be because girls have a beautiful heart."

Miller calls it Valentimes day. Several times every day and it's not even February.

We went to church today and the kids went to children's church. Colby wasn't behaving well tonight and miller said in a very sweet but preachy tone:
"Colby...did you forget about what we learned in church today? About being nice and being holly?"  (Holy)

After putting in her new swim backpack "I am so pumped up mamma. I'm sooo pumped up."

After showing miller the video of when she was born, and explaining the umbilical cord, she looked very concerned and said "I don't have to do that again, do I?"

When reading the word napkin in a story....very confused..."is the p silent?"

Miller: Valentimes day

Colby:  "oh my world!"
Colby: "short sleeve pants"

Miller: (woken up by the very loud spin cycle). "Mommy, something is making my lamp evaporate and it's scaring me"

At Atlantis, lee and Colby were at breakfast and I told miller I was going to grab a cup of coffee and id be right back.  She was on her iPad and apparently didn't hear me.  The line at Starbucks was long, and miller all of a sudden realized that no one was in the room.  She didn't see us at the beach and at first thought we had left her. Then she saw our stuff and thought we were at the water park. She cried and cried and when I found her, she was sobbing in a chair.  She told me that she was planning to hide in the closet when the maids came- she was thinking ahead.

Miller had a bad dream where the bullies from Diary of a wimpy kid chased her on the beach at Atlantis and put a tick on her lower back.  Now she's scared to go to sleep.

Colby had a boy in his class pull his pants down (and show Colby and dillon) twice in one week. We got a call from the guidance counselor each time.

Miller has started reading chapter books on her own (mid April - age 5) and taught herself to ride a bike!

Soldier hug- miller makes me lie completely straight and stiff like a soldier, and then she lays like that on top of me. She names it soldier hug

Colby: "oh my world."  I LOVE that he says this and don't want to correct him. Adorable.

Miller: Nakin

Blowin' cigarettes

Millers author share was today and lee noticed as she sat down that she wasn't wearing underwear! Thankfully she had an extra pair in her cubby.

Miller on her birthday: wow peepie Miller and Nan have the same wrapping paper as you!

Miller was with me at kings dominion before first grade started. She had an eyelash and got to make a wish she said "I wished that my brother never bees mean to me again"