Bed time routines are elaborate in this house. Lee always says "Why do you do this to yourself?" because inevitably, I spend an hour laying with the kids, rubbing backs, reading books, and snuggling. We are both usually exhausted at this point and want to relax, so it's a constant struggle to remember what's important. I don't want to look back and wish I had spent more time with them...I already know I will do that. I want to remember that I did give them that extra time at night...even if it's just a little bit every day.
I feel like I could never possibly forget all of these bed time rituals, but after reading the blog books with the kids, I've realized that I don't remember so much of what has happened. It makes me really sad to know these memories could be forgotten. So why will I remember this? I want to remember all of these precious times, and I'm going to make an effort to record the little things. It's the little things that really end up being the big things- you just don't realize it at the time.
With Colby, he really doesn't want to snuggle or hold my hand during the day, so this is really the only special time one-on-one time I get with him. Because he's trying to delay bed time, he will suddenly be open to talking about anything- school, swimming, friends, etc. Our routine for him starts with a tray of food brought up to his room by Lee...usually a grapefruit, bread and dipping oil, a dessert, and a fruit. This began when he was taking medication that reduced his appetite, so he truly needed the extra calories at night. Now, it's kind of just a habit because his current medication doesn't do that as much. After he eats, he gets read to by either me and Lee, and then part II of the routine begins. He gets an elaborate back rub (by me) that has a very particular order: back tickle, back massage, flip, stomach tickle, flip, feet and calf tickle. Then I lay with him for what's supposed to be 5 minutes. It always ends up more like 15, and I always say "one more minute" and make him repeat this back to me- otherwise he will claim he didn't hear me. Except it's never one more minute- we usually do this two or three times.
He does go right to sleep pretty quickly after all of this. If we start a stimulant medication soon, which we might do, things are going to get a little trickier because he will be hungrier and less tired. He still goes to sleep with his two duckies and his water bottle by his side. There's nothing I love more than seeing the sweet cuddly side of Colby, and I love knowing he still needs and wants his mamma.
Miller's routine is just as elaborate, but different. A year ago, she was very into doing "soldier hugs"- which means I had to lay stiff as a board in the CENTER of her bed, and she would lay stiff as a board on top of me. We would stay this way for a minute for our soldier hug.
Things have evolved now. Let me back up first and explain something that happened on Spring Break in Atlantis. Lee and Colby were down at the beach, and Miller and I were up in the hotel room. She was watching Dora, and I told her I was going down to the lobby to get a cup of coffee. Unbeknownst to me, she didn't hear me. When I got to the lobby, there was a very long line- about 30 minutes. It made me a little nervous, but I knew Miller knew where I was. Only she didn't. When I got up to the room, she was huddled in a chair, extremely upset, with tears streaming down her face. She thought she had been left. She looked out the window looking for Colby and dad, or me, and didn't see any of us. She told me she had decided that she was going to hide in the closet when the maids came. Smart girl- always planning ahead. I held her and assured her we would never ever leave her or forget her.
Something similar happened on the first day of school. (Colby's school starts before hers) I told her I was walking Colby to the far away bus stop, but she didn't understand that it was the one way up the hill- there's one by the playground and she thought that was what I meant. She looked outside after a few minutes, and I wasn't there. She began to panic and walked to our friend Jeanie's house and knocked on the door, but no one was home. I was actually at the other bus stop talking to Jeanie. When I finally came back about 15 minutes later, she was huddled on the couch crying and once again, thought she had been left. Mommy fail- again. :(
Miller is sometimes afraid of being left now because of those incidents. In addition to that, I told Colby and Miller about how Hanna Graham had been "kidnapped". I told them this to highlight the fact that they need to stay with me in public, be careful, etc. Well, sometimes the message can be given in a much more delicate manner...no need to kill a fly with a hammer as they say. As a result, Miller now has a fear of being kidnapped. She also heard an Amber alert in a Dairy Queen about a year ago, and that just confirms to her that kids her age get kidnapped.
Back to bed time.
First, we do a version of the solider hug, but it's a game that Miller has made up. The person on the top says something like "When I say 'some sort of silly phrase', you hug me". Then she will say all sorts of random and silly things, and eventually she will say the special phrase. That's my cue to give her a very tight squeeze. Really tight- as tight as I can. Then we switch and I'm the one who has to say the phrase. After this, we snuggle and we have named it "huggies and snuggies".
When it's finally time to leave, she used to go right to sleep. Until recently. She started saying every single night "What if they do come?". And by "they" she means the kidnappers. She was and is truly terrified. The anxiety seems to creep in right at bed time and she can't stop thinking about it. I have tried everything to convince her that she will not be kidnapped, but she says "You cannot predict the future". Well, that's true- she's not stupid. The worst part about it is that she said to me "Mom, I know what it feels like to be kidnapped. I felt that way in the hotel room and when you went to the bus stop, and it's a really bad feeling." She said that it's feeling really alone and she doesn't want to feel that way again. We have tried to tell her we live in a safe place, have cameras, have an alarm, but it's not working. Recently, we told her we have a Marine flag, and that no one would ever try to come into a house where a Marine lives. That's not working either. So, I added a new part to our routine- a relaxation exercise. We start by taking three very deep belly breaths. Then, I go down her body bit by bit and tell her to relax that part. It starts with hair follicles (her choice) and ends with toes. She has also added in there "cheek puffs", "booby bellies" (boobies) and belly boobie. (belly button). I've also used this exercise to teach her about muscles and body parts- biceps, triceps, hamstrings, calves, shins, achilles tendon. After all of that, I tell her she is all relaxed and ready for sleep. I've started giving her LeMutt, and despite his ragged appearance, she loves him as much as I did. She also still has her two pink bears. When it's time for me to leave, usually she still whispers "What if they do come", but most of the time, she is able to drift off to sleep pretty quickly. I treasure this special time with my snuggly girl and hope it never ends. I feel like it's going so fast....6 is such a precious age, as they all have been. I want to freeze time. She tells me I'm her best friend. I ask her "Do you promise I'll still be your best friend when you are a teenager?" and she says yes. I really hope she's right.
