Well, Halloween wasn't much to write home about. Colby was very sick the week leading up to Halloween, but we took him in twice, and each time they told us it was just a virus. They couldn't hear anything in his chest, but he kept getting sicker. By Halloween, day 6 or so, his fever was at 104.5 and he was laying in the middle of the floor while Lee was handing out candy. I was stuck outside with Miller but ended up handing her off to friends so I could take care of Colby. Poor little buddy. The next day we took him to a walk in clinic in Waynesboro where they can do chest x rays, and sure enough, he has pneumonia. Wouldn't you know! Thank God we followed our own instincts and took him.
We thought we were in the clear until about 10 days later when Miller felt bad during her first sleep over (with Sofie- Svetlana's daughter) and ended up crying and homesick all night because she felt bad. By the time I picked her up from synchro, her fever was 101 and she was getting worse quickly. I also started to feel bad, and so did Lee, so later that day we all got chest x rays and sure enough we had pneumonia, too. Who knew bacterial pneumonia was contagious!? Well now we know.
Colby had two friends bring him bags of candy and it totally made his (and my) day. The friends were Julian and Harrison. It really is the small things and small gestures that matter in life.
Thankfully we all recovered pretty quickly since we caught it early, and we were able to spend Thanksgiving in Richmond with everyone. The boys still play well with Colby and Miller- especially Braden- and I hope they have these memories forever. They worship their older cousins. I fear Braden will be growing a little too old for it soon, so I want to make as much effort as we can to get to Richmond for special occasions.
Peepie Miller's 100th birthday was amazing. She was completely lucid, talking, and her eyes were open. She seemed so much better than most of our visits in the past year. When I told her she looked 10 years younger, she said "Good, then go find me a boyfriend." She hasn't lost her sass! She got letters from people in Jackson who are still alive and knew her well, and those were read to her at the party. It was very special and she was a very loved lady. I told her the other day on the phone that I hoped I could be a grandmother like she was because she set the bar so high. She said "I didn't know you thought that of me". That's sad because I guess I haven't told her enough how amazing I think she is. She is always doing things, planning things, and thinking about what she can plan next. She's truly a social organizer of people and would have made a perfect career out of that. She never went anywhere without looking her best- makeup, shoes, skirt, etc. Visiting her at the lake are my best childhood memories. We would always have a gigantic goody basket waiting for us full of candy, and Big Lou would have coins poured all over my bed. She made such a big production of our visit and made us all feel so special. I didn't lift a finger during those trips. I loved sitting on the rocking chairs and just watching the lake. I could do it for hours and hours. I wonder if that's why I like rocking and quietness so much. I miss that feeling of the lake but it will live on inside me forever. I just wish I could go back and take my kids there, sit on the porch. We have a porch at the homestead, but it's not quite the same for me. Maybe because I'm the one taking care of things, cooking food, etc. Back then, it was a carefree time.
Christmas was pretty awesome for the kids this year. Ben and Patsy were here and it was a nice visit, although it's a whole lot of work for me and Lee when they come. There is no rest for the weary. The kids said it was their "best Christmas ever!". Oh dear- I hope we haven't set the bar too high. They got a ps4, hover boards, and miller got an electric scooter. Oh, and lots and lots of legos. We had Christmas dinner here and I made an effort to make a really special looking table this year. It turned out beautifully and we had Nan and Pop come join us, too.
I wrote about this before, but I'm seriously worried about my memory. Could I really have early alzheimers? I need to get off all medication and see if that's affecting it. I want to get healthy this Year. My goals are to say bed time prayers with the kids, list three things we are grateful for each night, to say blessing before family meals (we need to learn one), and to go to church.
I'm going through a transitional period with friends. I've realized that some friends I thought I could trust maybe I cannot, and some friendships are just sort of fizzling out. Others I knew they would because I intentionally stopped investing in the friendship. So now, i'm not sure who my good friends are here. I have one- Katie. And many other pretty good friends. But I'm definitely not in a group anymore. Maybe that's ok and that's where I'm supposed to be. It seems like we shouldn't be going through stuff like this at age 40, but I'm learning it just never stops. I feel good about it though because I know I'm on the right path.
Lee and I are taking a parenting course that is two hours once a week, and it's all about being their for your kids and supporting them- not punishing and scolding. It seems like it's helping Colby be nicer to Miller because maybe he's not getting yelled at as much therefore he's happier? I'm not sure...time will tell. But we think we are headed down the right path this time.
But really, I'm terrified about my memory which is why I'm starting these blog updates again. I need to go back and see what my life has been like!
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
School's back
I've decided that I want to write things down as I think of them because I know I will forget everything. I want to make a point to do this every once in a while. I'm not going to edit or proof read...just write.
I'm sitting in my house on the third week of school. Miller is in 2nd, Colby is in 3rd. Miller has Mrs. Walton and a new friend Aster, as well as a good friend named Emily. Colby has Mr. Balance and is in class with his buddies Thomas, Julian, and Dillon. It's going to be a great school year for them both.
I feel sad because I know these days are just slipping by so fast. I LOVE these days....well, most of them. The days are often hard and challenging, particularly with Colby. But I love the little things so much. My favorite thing is just to sit at their swim practices and watch them swim. I'm not sure why, but it brings me an immense amount of joy to sit there at the pool. I love our little snuggle times at night and our chats. The one on one time is my favorite. Lee always says I have doomed myself with a long bed time routine, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
The most challenging thing with our kids has been managing Colby's medication and figuring out what he needs. After three years on various medications for ADHD (stimulants and non-stimulants) we have added in Prozac. It has seemed to help very much, but as soon as I say something is great, it changes. Poor little guy has been through so much and life has been very hard for him. Imagine feeling irritable day in and day out and having no energy left for simple daily tasks. That's where he was before we added in the Prozac. I worry all the time about the long term effects of these medications. BUT, not giving him the medication is a known bad effect. He would struggle in school and struggle to focus on his activities. Without the prozac, he just wasn't happy much of the time. We have not taken this lightly at all...medication is a last resort. But, it has been the only option left for us. Colby is such an amazing little boy, and I want him to feel happy and confident as he continues to grow.
Miller is still my little ray of sunshine and brings joy into every day. She loves her brother so much and will do anything for him. I worry sometimes that she does the wrong things to earn his affection (giving him her money, buying him wii apps with her money, giving him her candy), and I don't want this to be a pattern when she's older. Hopefully she will not be attracted to men who treat her nice one day and not nice the next...and hopefully she won't feel she has to do things for them to earn their affection.
Colby has started flag football and absolutely loves it. I am pretty sure he will be playing football one day. He's also swimming, but he's not loving it because he moved up to Junior 2 and feels that he isn't as fast as they are. Miller is also swimming CYAC as a Junior 1 and she seems to love it so far. She also really loves playing the piano and has a knack for teaching herself songs.
I want to look back and know that I DID realize how precious these days are. I know! I think about it every day, and sometimes feel so sad that things are changing so fast and my little ones aren't that little. I have LOVED being their mom and can't imagine not having them here with me. Oh it makes me broken hearted to think about Miller going to college. She's my little best friend and I tell her that. I hope we will always be best friends.
Some funny stuff:
2/25/15 (age 6)
Miller was surprised to learn that Nan is almost 70. She said that Nan seemed 45 and that most people 70 used a walking stick.
I'm sitting in my house on the third week of school. Miller is in 2nd, Colby is in 3rd. Miller has Mrs. Walton and a new friend Aster, as well as a good friend named Emily. Colby has Mr. Balance and is in class with his buddies Thomas, Julian, and Dillon. It's going to be a great school year for them both.
I feel sad because I know these days are just slipping by so fast. I LOVE these days....well, most of them. The days are often hard and challenging, particularly with Colby. But I love the little things so much. My favorite thing is just to sit at their swim practices and watch them swim. I'm not sure why, but it brings me an immense amount of joy to sit there at the pool. I love our little snuggle times at night and our chats. The one on one time is my favorite. Lee always says I have doomed myself with a long bed time routine, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
The most challenging thing with our kids has been managing Colby's medication and figuring out what he needs. After three years on various medications for ADHD (stimulants and non-stimulants) we have added in Prozac. It has seemed to help very much, but as soon as I say something is great, it changes. Poor little guy has been through so much and life has been very hard for him. Imagine feeling irritable day in and day out and having no energy left for simple daily tasks. That's where he was before we added in the Prozac. I worry all the time about the long term effects of these medications. BUT, not giving him the medication is a known bad effect. He would struggle in school and struggle to focus on his activities. Without the prozac, he just wasn't happy much of the time. We have not taken this lightly at all...medication is a last resort. But, it has been the only option left for us. Colby is such an amazing little boy, and I want him to feel happy and confident as he continues to grow.
Miller is still my little ray of sunshine and brings joy into every day. She loves her brother so much and will do anything for him. I worry sometimes that she does the wrong things to earn his affection (giving him her money, buying him wii apps with her money, giving him her candy), and I don't want this to be a pattern when she's older. Hopefully she will not be attracted to men who treat her nice one day and not nice the next...and hopefully she won't feel she has to do things for them to earn their affection.
Colby has started flag football and absolutely loves it. I am pretty sure he will be playing football one day. He's also swimming, but he's not loving it because he moved up to Junior 2 and feels that he isn't as fast as they are. Miller is also swimming CYAC as a Junior 1 and she seems to love it so far. She also really loves playing the piano and has a knack for teaching herself songs.
I want to look back and know that I DID realize how precious these days are. I know! I think about it every day, and sometimes feel so sad that things are changing so fast and my little ones aren't that little. I have LOVED being their mom and can't imagine not having them here with me. Oh it makes me broken hearted to think about Miller going to college. She's my little best friend and I tell her that. I hope we will always be best friends.
Some funny stuff:
2/25/15 (age 6)
Miller was surprised to learn that Nan is almost 70. She said that Nan seemed 45 and that most people 70 used a walking stick.
3/7/15
Miller
"I wish there was a holiday called dessert for everything."
4/30
Miller teaching Colby about birth:
You eat a seed, it grows in your tummy, and then you poop it out.
5/13 age 6
From Tangled miller always says:
Mother knows best, listen to your mumsy cause it's none of your beeswax.
"I can talk England"
5/20
After getting crutches:
"One of my dreams came true today mommy."
5/22: mommy you have pieces of hair in your arm pit. Are you going to clean your arm pits out?
6/3:
Whenever Colby wants something badly he will say "may you please..."
6/20:
Colby when erica and Lisa were visiting:
Mom can I please skip basketball camp and spend the night here?
Because it's really special and I really like these people.
Miller doing taser to Colby on couch with erica and Alfred:
Colby:
Said to Miller when she was tickling him:
"That wasn't your best"
"try doing it to yourself"
"It gives me a funny feeling in my tummy."
6/22:
Miller After throwing up in the morning:
"I don't know how I got the stomach bug because I've had pants on, so it didn't come in through my butt."
6/23:
"You're my best friend mommy. My BFF. (Spells with finger). And if you go to heaven, you'll live here in my heart."
8/9:
A month or so ago, miller told me that when I died I would live in her heart. It freaked me out. Tonight, about a month later, she looked at me out of the blue and said "you'll be alive when you really aren't alive. That's because you'll visit me in my dreams after you die". We've never talked about any of this! I'm freaked out!!
Friday, February 6, 2015
Thoughts and memories
This isn't going to be cute, funny, or well written. I just need to jot down the facts and my thoughts.
I have been obsessing about two things lately.
1. My memory. It's horrible. I am finding myself putting things in weird places, forgetting to do things, and not remembering who I talked to about what. It's scary. It's even more upsetting to think that I won't remember this time with my family. I'm so worried about that, and that's why I feel like I need to keep writing in the blog. I love being a mom and I am so happy just doing the simple things- like tucking them in, snuggling, watching them swim, watching them play with friends on the trampoline.
Which brings me to the next thing...
2. I am obsessing and worrying daily about how quickly Colby and Miller are growing. It's going too fast and I feel like it's a moving train that I just can't slow down. I would be so much better off if I just enjoyed the moment instead of worrying about them growing up. But it's like I love it SO much and know it's going to come to an end one day, and that makes me so incredibly sad!! When I think back, I have always enjoyed their age and not obsessed about the past, only that the present is moving too fast. So, that means I should just enjoy the present because I will enjoy all the "presents" in the future. Does that make sense? I have also been worrying about when they both leave the house for college. What in the world will I do??
Now that no one is reading this blog, I'm not proofreading, and I know these sentences and thoughts are just jumbled together. I just need to get my thoughts on paper because it's bottled up inside me.
I want to be happy and enjoy the present. It is so hard. I'm so scared of not remembering all of this.
So here's an update:
Miller's bed time routine has grown since I last updated. Now, she crawls under the covers and it goes like this:
Miller: "Hi, what's your name?"
Me: "My name is _______ (tonight it was Hilda). What's your name?
Miller: "My name is _______. (tonight it was Matilda)
Miller" Where are you from?"
Me: I'm from _________. (Alabama, England, Hawaii....the answers are endless). Where are you from?
Miller: I'm from ___________. Want to see me now?
Me: That's impossible. That could never happen. You are too far away.
Miller: How long do you think it would take for me to visit you?
Me: A really really long time
Miller: (pops out from under the covers) "Helllooooo!"
Me: How did you do that?!?!
Miller: I have a teleporter at my house. (although lately it has been a fast jet)
So that's what we do every night after soldier hug. Then I give her a back rub and she reads some more.
Colby still gets his elaborate back rub and I need to apologize to his future wife...I hope he does not ask you to tickle his calves and rub his feet.
Here's a little about Colby right now:
-Loves to have "one more minute" several times at bed time
-Loves his football gloves. Loves football and wants to play but I won't let him.
-Loves to play with his friends. That's his favorite thing.
-Loves to be read to at night even though he can read himself.
-Loves to eat at the sushi restaurant. Gyoza, edamame, salad, shrimp tempura roll.
-Calls his shorts "short sleeve pants"
-Loves playing on the trampoline with his friends and making up games
-Only wears adidas pants. Hates pants in general.
-Loves skiing and is getting pretty good because he takes a little ski class with his friend Colin.
-The best time I have with Colby is at night when I'm reading to him and tucking him in. He loves to be snuggled and wants me to stay as long as I possibly can. He is so sweet at bed time and is finally relaxed enough to talk to me about his day or anything else.
We have had some ups and downs with Colby's medication. He took one in the fall that caused dizziness and nausea during exercise from September- December even though he wasn't taking the medication anymore. It was awful for him because he couldn't swim or participate in PE at school. He is finally better and on a new medicine (adderall) and things are so much better.
He has been getting sick a lot, though. Over Thanksgiving, I got the flu...it was actually on Thanksgiving day and I went to the hospital for the diagnosis. I then spread it to Miller and Lee. Miller had a fever of 105 and that was pretty scary. Colby got the flu over Christmas and also had a really high fever. Then, just a few days ago, he had the dreaded stomach bug. It was bad for about 4 or 5 hours and Lee moved his trundle bed into the bathroom. Thankfully he was pretty much better by the next day.
Here's a little about Miller right now:
-Current best friend is Molly in her class
-Loves to draw
-Loves St. Annes
-Loves to read and flies through books. I can't even keep enough around for her.
-Loves sweets. Poor girl has a wicked sweet tooth just like her mama.
-Loves coach Pat
-Likes skiing with her friend Marin
-Loves her brother and still makes him pictures
-Gives me great big hugs every day, many times a day. Every morning, every night, and all day in between. She loves her mama and I love her.
-Has her two front teeth missing right now. I want to freeze time.
-I have to remind myself that she is only 6 because she seems so much older. I want her to stay my little girl forever. I find myself getting sad at the thought of her dating because I don't want to be second fiddle to anyone. Isn't that crazy?
Swimming is going great for both Colby and Miller. They are both 6 and 8, so they are at the top of their age groups for CYAC swimming. Summer will be awesome for them, too. Knock on wood...
Lee is going out of town for three weeks and is leaving in a week. I am DREADING it. I get scared at night when he's not home. I can't even imagine having him gone that long. He helps so much with packing lunches, dinners, carpool. I can't even wrap my brain around doing it all myself. Ugh.
Funny things:
At the last swim meet, Charlie and Miller wrote graffiti on the YMCA white board with a sharpie marker. It said "preschool stinks" "cat poop" and "dog poop".
The other day, she was holding my tweezers in the bathroom and said "Mommy, I really wanted my own tweeters for Christmas and my own dentures". (my retainer)
Well, that's all for now...
I have been obsessing about two things lately.
1. My memory. It's horrible. I am finding myself putting things in weird places, forgetting to do things, and not remembering who I talked to about what. It's scary. It's even more upsetting to think that I won't remember this time with my family. I'm so worried about that, and that's why I feel like I need to keep writing in the blog. I love being a mom and I am so happy just doing the simple things- like tucking them in, snuggling, watching them swim, watching them play with friends on the trampoline.
Which brings me to the next thing...
2. I am obsessing and worrying daily about how quickly Colby and Miller are growing. It's going too fast and I feel like it's a moving train that I just can't slow down. I would be so much better off if I just enjoyed the moment instead of worrying about them growing up. But it's like I love it SO much and know it's going to come to an end one day, and that makes me so incredibly sad!! When I think back, I have always enjoyed their age and not obsessed about the past, only that the present is moving too fast. So, that means I should just enjoy the present because I will enjoy all the "presents" in the future. Does that make sense? I have also been worrying about when they both leave the house for college. What in the world will I do??
Now that no one is reading this blog, I'm not proofreading, and I know these sentences and thoughts are just jumbled together. I just need to get my thoughts on paper because it's bottled up inside me.
I want to be happy and enjoy the present. It is so hard. I'm so scared of not remembering all of this.
So here's an update:
Miller's bed time routine has grown since I last updated. Now, she crawls under the covers and it goes like this:
Miller: "Hi, what's your name?"
Me: "My name is _______ (tonight it was Hilda). What's your name?
Miller: "My name is _______. (tonight it was Matilda)
Miller" Where are you from?"
Me: I'm from _________. (Alabama, England, Hawaii....the answers are endless). Where are you from?
Miller: I'm from ___________. Want to see me now?
Me: That's impossible. That could never happen. You are too far away.
Miller: How long do you think it would take for me to visit you?
Me: A really really long time
Miller: (pops out from under the covers) "Helllooooo!"
Me: How did you do that?!?!
Miller: I have a teleporter at my house. (although lately it has been a fast jet)
So that's what we do every night after soldier hug. Then I give her a back rub and she reads some more.
Colby still gets his elaborate back rub and I need to apologize to his future wife...I hope he does not ask you to tickle his calves and rub his feet.
Here's a little about Colby right now:
-Loves to have "one more minute" several times at bed time
-Loves his football gloves. Loves football and wants to play but I won't let him.
-Loves to play with his friends. That's his favorite thing.
-Loves to be read to at night even though he can read himself.
-Loves to eat at the sushi restaurant. Gyoza, edamame, salad, shrimp tempura roll.
-Calls his shorts "short sleeve pants"
-Loves playing on the trampoline with his friends and making up games
-Only wears adidas pants. Hates pants in general.
-Loves skiing and is getting pretty good because he takes a little ski class with his friend Colin.
-The best time I have with Colby is at night when I'm reading to him and tucking him in. He loves to be snuggled and wants me to stay as long as I possibly can. He is so sweet at bed time and is finally relaxed enough to talk to me about his day or anything else.
We have had some ups and downs with Colby's medication. He took one in the fall that caused dizziness and nausea during exercise from September- December even though he wasn't taking the medication anymore. It was awful for him because he couldn't swim or participate in PE at school. He is finally better and on a new medicine (adderall) and things are so much better.
He has been getting sick a lot, though. Over Thanksgiving, I got the flu...it was actually on Thanksgiving day and I went to the hospital for the diagnosis. I then spread it to Miller and Lee. Miller had a fever of 105 and that was pretty scary. Colby got the flu over Christmas and also had a really high fever. Then, just a few days ago, he had the dreaded stomach bug. It was bad for about 4 or 5 hours and Lee moved his trundle bed into the bathroom. Thankfully he was pretty much better by the next day.
Here's a little about Miller right now:
-Current best friend is Molly in her class
-Loves to draw
-Loves St. Annes
-Loves to read and flies through books. I can't even keep enough around for her.
-Loves sweets. Poor girl has a wicked sweet tooth just like her mama.
-Loves coach Pat
-Likes skiing with her friend Marin
-Loves her brother and still makes him pictures
-Gives me great big hugs every day, many times a day. Every morning, every night, and all day in between. She loves her mama and I love her.
-Has her two front teeth missing right now. I want to freeze time.
-I have to remind myself that she is only 6 because she seems so much older. I want her to stay my little girl forever. I find myself getting sad at the thought of her dating because I don't want to be second fiddle to anyone. Isn't that crazy?
Swimming is going great for both Colby and Miller. They are both 6 and 8, so they are at the top of their age groups for CYAC swimming. Summer will be awesome for them, too. Knock on wood...
Lee is going out of town for three weeks and is leaving in a week. I am DREADING it. I get scared at night when he's not home. I can't even imagine having him gone that long. He helps so much with packing lunches, dinners, carpool. I can't even wrap my brain around doing it all myself. Ugh.
Funny things:
At the last swim meet, Charlie and Miller wrote graffiti on the YMCA white board with a sharpie marker. It said "preschool stinks" "cat poop" and "dog poop".
The other day, she was holding my tweezers in the bathroom and said "Mommy, I really wanted my own tweeters for Christmas and my own dentures". (my retainer)
Well, that's all for now...
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